Exhausted.

I think that's the only way to describe how I feel at the moment. Totally exhausted. Like, I'm always tired. Even if I got enough sleep, it's like I just wake up tired because I know how much I have to do and what all is wrong with the world. It sucks. Like, it's motivating to hope that we can change things, but it's just that, hope. I know I am being completely cynical but it's just all I've felt lately. I'm trying to be more optimistic but something always happens. Gar.

Okay, so, on your Christmas CD, it isn't the last track that's my favorite. I'm just going to have to listen to it soon and tell you because I simply have no idea what order the tracks are in anymore.

This year has gone by so quickly. The weeks aren't even going slow anymore. I never feel like "Oh my Lord, it's only Monday?" I'm always like "WHEN DID THE LAST WEEK END?!?" It's so frustrating! I think Winter Break is going to be very nice and needed. I wish I could just stop thinking for like an hour. I have almost a constant headache. It's frustrating. It's just all there. I know I'm complaining too. I hate it. Ah, it's all so contradicting but truthful and it is so frustrating. What is this?

I am horrible at letting things "be." I don't think it is possible for me to do that. I'm always thinking about it and worrying and thinking, thinking, thinking. My head is driving me insnae. Life is driving me insane. Everyone is insane, I believe. Well, I mean, there's definitley potential.

You really aren't awkward at all anymore. It's weird, aha.

I want a bowl cut so bad, seriously. What's wrong with having a funny haircut? It'll bring joy to people's day. And to make it better, I'll take it completely serious. I just really want to do this. That and I want to shave my head. I really think it'd make things so much easier. My hair is getting so long (for me). It's frustrating, and always in my face. Oh, Lord.

I wish I didn't need a job. I've got a lot of planning to do this weekend, speaking of. I'm thinking about asking the Urban Times if I can intern there, maybe.

I really have to remember to call you Cello Girl. Ahhah, it sounds just so lame... I mean perfect.

You will do just fine on my concerto, Auds. I'm convinced. Not even convinced, I just know. I'm excited to hear it, really. I hate working hard on something and it just doesn't work. That's why I get so frustrated at school, aha. Speaking of which, I had my second dress down day this whole year, thanks to you. What is this, keeping me in iine? It cracks me up. Who knows, maybe someday I'll be going to bed at 11, maybe 12...

I think I will love Moulin Rouge, really. It'll be impossible not to, with you right there. I'm excited for our L Movie Marathon/Decorating The Tree! Really, ecstatic. GAH! You just have no idea.

How is the play going to be?

I am really done being bad. It's not even appealing at all, never really was. Peer pressure was a big part of it, but it was definitley me making the final decision, but I'm definitley getting, well, better? I don't know what the word is, really. More scholarly? Ahaha, don't know. What is this, Auds?

Really, this New Year is going to be well thought out and planned and it's going to be a beautiful thing. Really. It's going to affect me and not be empty. I'm actually pretty excited. I like New Year's, a lot. It's about time to get a fresh start. I know nothing really changes, but you get the incentive to, and that's important. Well, atleast to me.

Tonight I am going to sit out by my Christmas tree and read and fall asleep on the couch and be comfortable. Jobeth did come over but left because her parents didn't let her spend the night, but we played Scrabble and that got my mind off of Invisible Children (which I feel totally guilty for trying not to think about, but I need it in steps, that movie, just, well, hard-hitting...) but we played that and talked about books and like you said, I just need to sleep. Tomorrow I will fill it with actions, but tonight, I will rest. It's nice to be home. I am going to my grandma's tomorrow night. Her house is the best getaway, ever. I love it.

I can't believe I haven't written in the Blog since Tuesday, but yet I've looked at it everyday. I write down things to put in here but then I just have been so busy. Mr. McNeal gave me the advertising job for the play. Why did I take this on? I have enough, but I have the worst time ever saying no to people, it's ridiculous.

It's really okay that you were saddened. It's better than scoffing at it and claiming it to be a scam or something (Oh, that kills me...). It's just so horrible, and terrifying. I just can't grasp it. It makes me feel so stupid. Like I have so much. Gar. Actions will be taken. Things will get better, they have to. And we will help, Auds. The Twenty Years War will end, okay? Eyes have been opened and with what they've seen how can you close them? You can't. We cannot forget about this, and we won't. We will make change, Auds.

I know I'm not a bad driver. You only made me nervous because I didn't want you to be nervous, aha.

I really hope you like the CD's.

I am glad our Blogiverse is expanding. I hope they are aware of how addicting it is. And how they will be constantly checking it and making references. Oh, Lordy.

I just want to hug my little sister for as long as humanly possible. She's just so purposeful, if that makes any sense.

I am sad my bed is so cold, and yet kids are sleeping in a flooded hospital basement right now. I am ridicious. I really just want somone to wrap me up right now though. Like I just want to cuddle into someone the whole night and have them rub my head, aha. I'm thinking about showing up to your bed, even though I know you wouldn't let me near your stomach and your hands would never touch my head, I atleast know your bed is warm.

You aren't over-bearing. Not at all, really. So stop thinking that. I am going to bed, really. 1 AM on a Friday night. This is new. I'm going to bed before I do on school nights. Insane. What is all this? I just, golly.
Who knows.

Good night, Auds.