"I'm a head case if I don't keep moving.

My head hurts if I don't sit still." I just woke up! I slept for five straight hours. No dream or anything. It was so nice. I feel so rested. I'm in a good mood. I feel optimistic. Maybe it's the New Year's tomorrow, maybe it's a step in the tier of enlightenment, whatever it is, I'm in a good mood. I know in a bit I'll get all crazy because I won't think what I'm thinking anymore (I tend to do that a lot), but as for now, it's good. It's funny how me knowing how fickle my brain is isn't changing my mood. Ah, well.

Today I went out with my grandma, just me and her, and you know what, I love her, so much. She was in such a good mood. Maybe that's where my mood came from. But anyways, she picked me up and took me to Wal-Mart to go get some shampoo, (I think she talked about doing this when you were over. One thing you will learn about her, she always does what she says.) and then we went to Arby's because I hadn't had anything to eat yet, and I got a Beef'N'Cheddar, mozzerella sticks, a humongus root beer, and those cheesecake poppers they have been advertising. It was very good. Then we went to the mall to go to Waldenbooks and we got our word-a-day calendars. Then we left the mall (by the way it took us forever to find a parking spot, my grandma claims it was the longest she has ever searched) and we went to Half Price books where I got a book about the Rat Pack (okay, so it's mainly about Sinatra, but I got it for the pictures) for only a dollar! By then it was about five o'clock so she took me home, and I came in my bed and read a little bit (I'm reading a biography of a girl who was in a Mormon family and her father had seven wives) but it was too much and I fell asleep and then about nine o'clock I woke up! It's been a pretty good day. I have realized I have made a nest out of my bed area. I have everything within a two foot radius. I need to clean it up. On my desk lies the remnants of the Steak'N'Shake I bought, what, two days ago? In the middle of my floor lies a lone dirty sock. I need to get-it-togetha.

What is a plum pudding dress? It looks like an Ebay ad? I searched on Google because my curiosity got the best of me and I'm still lost as to what makes a plum pudding dress. The color? But one was green. The cut? But they didn't all see the same. Ah, the mystery that are plum pudding dresses!

I hate when computers are so slow. Just randomly. Computers actually kind of freak me out, because you don't really know what all is going on in them. Just like everything I suppose. I guess I am kind of freaked out by everything. A freak out that I can embrace though.

I like riding in airplanes. It is different from anything else. Airplanes are based on Bernoulli's Principal, which of course is a bunch of physics junk, but you know and I know that can't just be it. Life can't be put down to a formula, because like you said, there's one thing you can't put into words and that's the magic of it all. Everything has a touch of magic. Not magic as pulling a rabbit out of a hat, of course not, but there's something there and magic is the only word I can think to be as synonymous.

I wish you were allowed to open the windows on an airplane without being vacuumed. Clouds are fun to fly through. You'll see everything and then all of a sudden all you see are weighted air particles and all you want to do is just kind of swim through it. That's what it makes me want to do atleast. One time on Doug, his friend collected clouds in a jar, and I've always wanted to do that. Even if it wouldn't look like anything, just clear, you still have a cloud! Let's do that, Auds. Let's go cloud hunting.

Staying home is nice. I'm home tonight, and I'm in a very calm mood. I just talked to Jobeth and it was a very good talk. Something about tonight makes me feel like I'm coming to terms with something. I don't really know what. Maybe just my life and how things are going in general. Which is good. My brain has had almost a constant battle and it's almost like I've had this constand headache, this constant worry and back thoughts of everything, but for right now, I'm alright.

I love when the whole family is happy. At one point on Christmas, I think it was right when I woke up, actually, I was walking into the living room and I looked at everybody and they were so happy. They were all just smiling at each other when they were talking and everyone was listening and talking and it was so, so nice.

It's weird, how you can be happy, but true happiness has rare moments.

Okay, Auds. Someday soon I am going to turn off my phone, my television, my laptop, camera, iPod, whatever, all of it. I wonder how that day will be. Ah, I love experiments! So if I do this do I have to wear the Amish attire? Oh, Lord. Bonnets here I come. Well, actually, all I have to do is borrow from Aunt Maria's closet... JOKE!

I love mugs! I like to hold them. That's something I love about the Abbey, all their mismatched mugs. Now I want hot chocolate or something. Hm.

Ahaha, why did I study my golden hairs for like three straight minutes. I just stared. It's so peculiar. So random. It's like little baby hairs or something that were accidently put on my hip instead of my head. I don't know why I am so interested, aha. You and that silly putty. Where did this random love come from?

Okay, so all we really have, when it all comes down to it, is ourselves. What do you mean mold it? I don't think we have any control over who are, I think who we are has to control itself to fit in.

Exactly. I just don't understand why so many of these scientists are searching for what makes us, well, us. I suppose answers are nice, but you've taught me over and over that I won't get answers to everything, and I'm starting to accept that and it's really not that bad. I suppose it keeps things interesting. Keeps an air of mysetery around, and that makes me appreciate it more, I suppose. I don't know. But why do we care so much what makes people the way we are, and what are we going to do
once we get that informatiom?

Have you ever read Feed?

Auds, you are not shallow. Not once have I thought this, but you do. I don't get it. No one is shallow, really. I mean sure, some people may seem to be, and they may actually be pretty dumb, but that has nothing to do with it. No one knows what each other is thinking in bed at three in the morning. No one knows what anyone is ever really all thinking. I love that about people. I always want to know.

It's funny if you move any of the words around in the sentence you can usually get a totally different product. If I am not mistaken, there are many games based on this.

How do we know when to feel guilty? How does are body just produce that feelings? Our the things we've learned really etched that deep into us? That's weird to think about. I believe eveyrone is affected by guilt, some just hide it a lot better than others. It's all there, really. I think everyone is good, you know. No one is bad. No one does bad things on purpose, and when they do, that's what's called mental illness. There's something wrong, then. Even if people say mean things or whatever, that's just how I see it. More of how I feel it, I guess.

Do you ever get really mad when someone says "Now is not the time to talk about this."

I always wonder who set the order for things. Ahah, funny how extremes kind of go hand in hand. I just realized how loud my music it. Hey! It's Peter Bjorn & John! Except it's "Start to Melt," not "Young Folks." Anyways, really. Who decided what, and how did they get it to effect things?

"You're acting different. I like the improvement." Some comedian said that, and I really thought about it. That's how it feels when someone tells me I'm acting different. I feel like they like me more/less. It makes me mad. No one can act different, I don't understand that, because we are who are are and eveything's there. That is the best thing in the world. Being happy and comfortable. It's funny how that sounds so simple, but really, it's not. I think I am more comfortable with what I've been doing lately, and I've felt better, it's just weird how old friends become so, er, alien I suppose. How things can become totally different in a second. It's life, I suppose.

"Blue Skies" by Albert Hammond Jr.? I like that song too. Now I'm listening to "Hussel" by M.I.A., and it is absolutely insane.

I always feel bad about how I think mean things are funny. Not really mean, mean but still mean. Like I make fun of people a lot and such. Do I really mean it? I don't think I do, yet I still say it. I feel bad. And when I don't say anything, I still think it, or even if I don't, I don't laugh as much. I want to see a laugh count. That'd be amazing. Like in Monsters Inc.! If we could really do that for energy... That would be amazing. When I'm actually mad at someone, I tell myself I'm not, over and over, and I just end up feeling guilty and sad and thinking about it. I never get the point across. I'm horrible at that.

Aha, I hope your parents are almost done with that puzzle. That is extreme. I want to do a puzzle now. I like the map ones a lot. I really, really like maps.

"Well, aren't you going to answer it?" the Ticketmaster looked at the Ragpicker, still smiling. The Ticketmaster was oblivious to anything that could happen, any past ghosts that could come up in any second. They had only been reunited for hours now, but that was enough for the Ticketmaster. She thought it was all fit now, like a Snoopy puzzle. The Ragpicker suddenly looked uneasy as she opened the phone. "Hi, Paul." And at the name, the Ticketmaster's heart went into her throat and her stomach tightened. She didn't know what to do. Would she lose the Ragpicker, after this obvious slap in the face by fate? She felt drastic, something needed to happen.

It's funny how you think "a lot" sounds stupid, and I think "a large amount" sounds stupid, ahah. It's weird how right in the Perks of Being A Wallflower, when they said what's the point in using big words and complicated phrases when no one is comfortable? Honest writing is the best writing. And if you naturally use big words and complicated phrases, well, it'll be obvious. You can always tell how someone feels when they write. As obvious as that statement is, that's why I love reading, I suppose.

I'm proud of your long post, Auds, really. I love how they just keep getting longer. I've worked on this one for an hour and a half, I suppose?

I WILL stop calling you, just out of spite of that statement, aha. Bring it.

"As never." That's good. I don't hear people say it, either. Suppose there's a grammatical reason, or maybe you were the first one to think of it! I hate when people say originality is dead. It is NOT true! It can't be. I'm off to rummage for something to eat, I suppose. Tomorrow is NEW YEAR'S!

And by the way, it went from 42 entries in November to 27 in December. That is sad!