Cold feet.

In all meanings, cold cold feet. Rqe4rgheruigr!

I don't think of water when I think of Capri Sun either. But oddly enough, I do think of water when I think of hot chocolate?

I love my little sister. I wish she'd get out of this mood. I wish she'd talk to me atleast. If I knew what was bugging her so much, well, surely I'd be bound to do something about it, even if it was about me. Then again, well, just like you said, Auds, my life is a very confusing one.

"Everything is connected and beautiful and now I know just where I stand." I love this song. You know those moments in life for like ten minutes when you think you have everything figured out? That line describes it perfectly. I need a moment like that soon. It's been a long, long while.

Okay, so, Thursday (which I take you are spending the night, well, you don't really have a choice) we are making a fort and making soup. I've got the sniffles times 934039. I'm so excited for this party at Alchemy. Kind of nervous, but you know.

Your two whole posts made my heart smile, Auds. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I've been with you though, aha. We need to joint post soon. It hasn't been done, why, since November second itself! We need to get on this. And I'm thinking I should make a new layout soon? It's looking rather the same? Maybe do a header of the week, actually? Oh, the possibilities.

You'd be proud. Right when I came home I ate Boston Market (YES!) and took a shower, because I really felt the need to. Maybe this could be a catalyst to improving my hygiene habits? Who knows.

I am so, so, so excited for break. Excited, ready, because it's needed. Although I will be studying and catching up and all, it's nice to be able to catch up without going forward at the same time. I love when progress gives a break, because honestly progress is much too fast. I never double used kleenex untill I met you.

I'm a good listener, and I love that people know they can come to me and that I will help them as much as I can. But when it comes to whatever I'm thinking or going through, I'm not sure there is anybody that actually knows the extent to it. It's not that I'm depriving people intentionally. I know I'm scared of putting myself out there, I'll admit it. I just happen to know how different everyone's problems can be, and I've seen the outcomes, and I don't know, I'm just a believer and that someday everything will change, so I have gotten very, very good at waiting it out. I know that's bad, because I'm just keeping it all in, but that's that. I'm not sure if I'd want to be otherwise.

Wrong reasons, well, sometimes it's hard to decipher what the reason is at all, let alone if it is right or wrong. Sometimes I wonder how I would be if I was never told a single thing. If somehow I learned everything on my own. No matter what I'm doing, there's always 384023 thoughts leading in 2039822 different directions. Oh, Auds. I'm confusing myself. I would like a clear head. I would love, love, love a clear head.

The Ticketmaster continued down the crooked and ancient street in inner Rome. The weather was nice, and being there for two years now, she was used to the bicycled flying by and could easily dodge them, subconciously you could even say. But for the first time since the first month she was here, she was maybe a millimeter away from being hit by one of the cyclers. Seeing that Ragpicker just turned absolutely everything upside-down. She just stood there for a second and surprisingly her feet started moving without consent from her brain (or, especially, her heart) but she followed her feet. And as she knew they would, her feet went right back to the direction they came from, right back to the Ragpicker.

To be continued...

Good enough? No. If there was a totem pole of morality and clarity I would be very close to the bottom. Sure, it's bad to hold yourself to standards, but who doesn't in anyway? For some reason I've just got something in my head telling me over and over that I'm not good enough, to get better. In some ways, I'm thankful, I suppose. In others, not. It's very confusing when I don't do something right I feel ten times all the worse. And everyone's right and wrong seems to be so different.

Camping is going to be amazing. You better believe I am going to get very, very into it. Hardcore Grizzly Adams, Auds.

Audrey, I will talk to your parents, I will talk to McNeal, but I won't talk about it anymore tonight because well, I hate how I get when I do start talking about it because it makes me feel very foolish.

I don't get why deadlines are getting earlier and earlier. Now they are preparing fifth graders for the SAT. Life isn't a test. Credibility should NOT be in a name, not be in a place, or an award, or whatever. It's not about that. And people are realizing this. And no one is doing anything, and I'm trying, but what to do when you are told you are wrong? Maybe I am? I hate being indecisive. I have absolutely no conviction whatsoever. If someone tells me I'm wrong, I'll believe them, and it's all just a cycle of finding out otherwise. I know, I need to find myself, find out where I stand, no matter where that is, but that's too complicated for the time being.

Baby steps, I am a firm believer in those. I'm not so into strides anymore. No matter what the context, the outcome is aways more valuable if it took more time, I feel. I am so bad at persuasive essays.

I wrote down what the papers were about and all that. Good to go, Auds. You know, if I do get all my work in, and do really well on my finals, I may get all A's?

I love, love, love the dictionary (encyclopedia?)of mental diseases. I read this book where the character had it and so it had all these random sidenotes and paragraph after paragraph about these random of mental diseases and I loved it, so much. Everytime I go to Goodwill or Value World I am always on the lookout for that dictionary. Someday, I will find one. I love the mind.

Application, yeah. Well, I'm emailing about the IMA thing at the moment. I wish this process could be over already. Weird, I'm all about taking time, but just this, though. It seems to complicate everything else. I don't want to get a job and two weeks later quit for the IMA. That's just not right. Gar.

I almost fell out of this chair, aha. I need to stop tipping back.

Oh-wayyy-ohh. "Oceans" is such a good song. I love it. I've got to clean my room. I am so rested though. Thank you, aha.

Off to...
1. Do homework?
2. Make lunch?
3. Cut fingernails?
4. Clean room?
5. Write more lists?
6. Email?
7. Lord knows what?

No brakes, no glory.
Hm.