"I need love,

in the middle of the day when the world just keeps stopping and your heart just keeps slippin' away..."
Oh, love, love, love.
I miss it.
'Cause this is the opposite of love. Not hate. I don't believe in hate. Don't believe I have ever felt it. Don't believe, but I don't know. What is truth? We just talked about that in class today.
Philosophy and English 102.
English 102, we're talkin' all about war. "We need war, to know we have finished something." Like, like that's what I just read, 'cause I'm reading a lot, with all this time, all this time on my own.
Repeating myself a lot, to pass the time.
I miss you all. Everyone is on adventures.
The adventures to come.
That's what is getting me through this.
This month.
How many more days? Twenty-eight, I think.
But, though I cannot wait to go home, I'm not counting down. That would just make it harder.
Reading The Sociology of Trench Warfare, this packet I had to print off, off my class name, @olemiss.edu, like we are legitimate. It's so legitimate.
Buying from the book store, wandering between classes.
I didn't scream when the praying mantis climbed my leg the first day, when the spider of huge ant crawled across me as I was sleeping. I thought that showed progress of some sort, or humility, which could always be the key.
I miss you.
But, that happens even when you're around.
I made a peanut butter and jelly, I didn't have a knife, so I made one out of my soul. That is, if my soul were a chip clip. I thought it was creative problem solving. Some sort of PR shit, keeping my door open, letting them all know I'm totally open for any sort of conversation and haven't laughed in two, three days. Oh, how I need that. It constipates me, not laughing. I wonder if there is any sort of scientific truth to that statement.
I need to do something. The book store closes in twenty minutes, as does the cafe, so that's out. I don't really see a point in going outside. I guess I can just wait it out until dinner in like an hour and a half. Walk around, a little before hand, leave in an hour to show someone how FRIENDLY and FUNNY I can be! I've never felt so judged in my life.
Give me a break.
But, I think, it's just the beginning, right? There's the weekend ahead, to bond, or something like it.
I can fake it if I have to.
Somehow, in spite of it all, my elbows have become very smooth.
I'll see you all soon, or eventually.