always free, really.
So, just reel me a line.
Anytime, anytime.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Monday, September 7, 2009
To a very lovely, lonely cripple:
I hope you are feeling better, dear.
Maybe you are eating good food,
and cuddling with Emily.
Maybe you are reading inspirational novels,
or watching some sappy Julia Roberts film.
Maybe you are wheeling yourself around,
prepared to impress Herron High with your speed.
Or, maybe, you are bored.
I am.
I kind of like it, though. I'm not used to it.
I am not done with my homework, and I am being forced to look at scholarships,
since my college meeting is tomorrow.
BUT
I'm taking it slow.
Chill.
I'm cool as a cucumber,
which my father is in the process of putting into a salad.
GROSS.
This whole college stuff is stressing me out.
Rachel, with whom I am speaking, is not helping, the poor dear.
Boredom over.
Abort, abort.
Stress has taken over!!!!!!!!
I know this is short,
but I think I'll start doing short,
more frequent,
frequent,
frequent blog posts.
I think it could be soothing.
So,
goodbye.
Maybe you are eating good food,
and cuddling with Emily.
Maybe you are reading inspirational novels,
or watching some sappy Julia Roberts film.
Maybe you are wheeling yourself around,
prepared to impress Herron High with your speed.
Or, maybe, you are bored.
I am.
I kind of like it, though. I'm not used to it.
I am not done with my homework, and I am being forced to look at scholarships,
since my college meeting is tomorrow.
BUT
I'm taking it slow.
Chill.
I'm cool as a cucumber,
which my father is in the process of putting into a salad.
GROSS.
This whole college stuff is stressing me out.
Rachel, with whom I am speaking, is not helping, the poor dear.
Boredom over.
Abort, abort.
Stress has taken over!!!!!!!!
I know this is short,
but I think I'll start doing short,
more frequent,
frequent,
frequent blog posts.
I think it could be soothing.
So,
goodbye.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I'm a baby,
in a womb, still. Not still, physically, still as in continuous. Still as in, the same, for awhile.
Don't you like when you flee? When you can forget everything for just a little while, and be happy? But then, the feeling afterwards, that's what ruins it all.
"Atleast I haven't destroyed anything."
If we could all find a way to get around that feeling, of regret, or again, humility, I wonder what the world would be like.
Some people say we need regret, to tell us we did something wrong, but all this time, no matter what, I've wondered why it has to be wrong in the first place.
I'm just thinking.
I've got my bathing suit on for now apparent reason, other than that I should do laundry, but I do have other clothes. I don't really know why.
'Haunted' made me think a lot, in a good way. It made me feel better, not so cynical. Not that the book wasn't cynical, no, it was. But, I realized I don't exactly think it's all like that.
What would happen if we knew what was after?
Adventures in Oxford, Mississippi
I still have to sing that song, to remember, how to spell it.
I saw Transformers last night, and it was good. I've made friends with all guys, which is kind of weird, but eh, it's a good time. Antonio, Marcus, and Rayford.
Yep.
Also, yesterday, was bowling. Which was fun, and I met some new people.
I have a lot of homework.
I'm learning.
Won't you tell me a story?
Don't you like when you flee? When you can forget everything for just a little while, and be happy? But then, the feeling afterwards, that's what ruins it all.
"Atleast I haven't destroyed anything."
If we could all find a way to get around that feeling, of regret, or again, humility, I wonder what the world would be like.
Some people say we need regret, to tell us we did something wrong, but all this time, no matter what, I've wondered why it has to be wrong in the first place.
I'm just thinking.
I've got my bathing suit on for now apparent reason, other than that I should do laundry, but I do have other clothes. I don't really know why.
'Haunted' made me think a lot, in a good way. It made me feel better, not so cynical. Not that the book wasn't cynical, no, it was. But, I realized I don't exactly think it's all like that.
What would happen if we knew what was after?
Adventures in Oxford, Mississippi
I still have to sing that song, to remember, how to spell it.
I saw Transformers last night, and it was good. I've made friends with all guys, which is kind of weird, but eh, it's a good time. Antonio, Marcus, and Rayford.
Yep.
Also, yesterday, was bowling. Which was fun, and I met some new people.
I have a lot of homework.
I'm learning.
Won't you tell me a story?
"You are so sweet, so sweet,
Dancing and moving to that beat, that beat."
I'm listening to the new Regina Spektor album for the zillionth time,
hoping that maybe, just maybe, I'll understand just WHAT THE HELL she is TALKING ABOUT.
But I don't.
And, you know, I still like the album.
And I just keep listening. And maybe
not so that I'll understand.
Maybe, just because I like it.
I've decided to become the next Regina Spektor.
I've devised a master plan to move to Russia
and then the Bronx.
And then...shazam...I'm Reginka.
That's how she signed her name on her "Thank You"s.
Simply, 'cuz she's da bomb.
Maybe, I'll be Audbrey.
Naw. I can't pull something like that off.
We've got two big dogs here,
which, I always wanted another dog,
but this dog we're watching...
is kind of gross.
I love her. She's cute.
Not precious, but cute. And very sweet.
But she has that permanent dog smell.
That one that, once you pet her, you can't rid from your hands.
And I've scrubbed.
Because you just can't avoid petting her.
She rubs her ninety-pound body all up and down your leg.
Sexual healing.
Katie yelled at Rachel for saying "sexual" all the time.
Not "sex." Not "sexy." Just "sexual."
I got a kick out of that.
So, now, we all use "sexual" all the time.
Even when it isn't quite appropriate.
I think my Dad's in on it, too.
But back to that dog.
She slobbers.
And she just came in here for a bit o' lovin'.
And, trying to avoid her, I turned my body,
hoping that maybe a 180 could save me.
But instead of leaving,
she slobbered on my leg.
This, my dear, was about twenty minutes ago.
But, I still have droplets of stickly saliva on my kneecap,
frozen in midair.
Aching to further penetrate the former cleanliness of my calf,
but they can't.
And I'm so freakishly lazy
that I can't get up to wash them off.
And now I'm about to puke,
not from the grossiosity of that hairy mammal (not you, Abby)
but of me.
I've morphed it,
in my head,
into my own error.
Golly.
Regina does a lot of the same stuff on this album,
and the more I listen to it,
the less I respect her creativity.
She wails a lot.
Which is cool, you know, for a couple of songs.
But then it gets old.
Should I stop listening? To preserve Reginka's integrity?
At least, in my head?
I attempted to write down my top colleges.
No luck.
I quit.
I'm going to become a baker.
Aha, "Do you see this body?"
I think I'm going to ride my bike now,
instead of run.
Becuase, I've decided.
There's no escaping it.
I hate running.
I really do.
And whenever I have to, I get this feeling in my stomach.
Like, loser, get enough guts to do something you like.
But I just tie those massive, ugly shoes to my equally massive, dirty feet.
You should come back.
Because I'm bored!
And so tired.
I need my cuddle-wuddle bear!
Just kidding.
Except not really...
so see you soon!
I'm going to go read.
It'll start out with Gone With the Wind,
but I'll be torn.
And whenever I'm torn,
I always end up with Harry Potter.
I'll grow up one day.
But just not yet.
You'll see everyone soon, Abigail.
Not too much longer.
And know
that my adventures
are not quite so complete
without you here.
I'm listening to the new Regina Spektor album for the zillionth time,
hoping that maybe, just maybe, I'll understand just WHAT THE HELL she is TALKING ABOUT.
But I don't.
And, you know, I still like the album.
And I just keep listening. And maybe
not so that I'll understand.
Maybe, just because I like it.
I've decided to become the next Regina Spektor.
I've devised a master plan to move to Russia
and then the Bronx.
And then...shazam...I'm Reginka.
That's how she signed her name on her "Thank You"s.
Simply, 'cuz she's da bomb.
Maybe, I'll be Audbrey.
Naw. I can't pull something like that off.
We've got two big dogs here,
which, I always wanted another dog,
but this dog we're watching...
is kind of gross.
I love her. She's cute.
Not precious, but cute. And very sweet.
But she has that permanent dog smell.
That one that, once you pet her, you can't rid from your hands.
And I've scrubbed.
Because you just can't avoid petting her.
She rubs her ninety-pound body all up and down your leg.
Sexual healing.
Katie yelled at Rachel for saying "sexual" all the time.
Not "sex." Not "sexy." Just "sexual."
I got a kick out of that.
So, now, we all use "sexual" all the time.
Even when it isn't quite appropriate.
I think my Dad's in on it, too.
But back to that dog.
She slobbers.
And she just came in here for a bit o' lovin'.
And, trying to avoid her, I turned my body,
hoping that maybe a 180 could save me.
But instead of leaving,
she slobbered on my leg.
This, my dear, was about twenty minutes ago.
But, I still have droplets of stickly saliva on my kneecap,
frozen in midair.
Aching to further penetrate the former cleanliness of my calf,
but they can't.
And I'm so freakishly lazy
that I can't get up to wash them off.
And now I'm about to puke,
not from the grossiosity of that hairy mammal (not you, Abby)
but of me.
I've morphed it,
in my head,
into my own error.
Golly.
Regina does a lot of the same stuff on this album,
and the more I listen to it,
the less I respect her creativity.
She wails a lot.
Which is cool, you know, for a couple of songs.
But then it gets old.
Should I stop listening? To preserve Reginka's integrity?
At least, in my head?
I attempted to write down my top colleges.
No luck.
I quit.
I'm going to become a baker.
Aha, "Do you see this body?"
I think I'm going to ride my bike now,
instead of run.
Becuase, I've decided.
There's no escaping it.
I hate running.
I really do.
And whenever I have to, I get this feeling in my stomach.
Like, loser, get enough guts to do something you like.
But I just tie those massive, ugly shoes to my equally massive, dirty feet.
You should come back.
Because I'm bored!
And so tired.
I need my cuddle-wuddle bear!
Just kidding.
Except not really...
so see you soon!
I'm going to go read.
It'll start out with Gone With the Wind,
but I'll be torn.
And whenever I'm torn,
I always end up with Harry Potter.
I'll grow up one day.
But just not yet.
You'll see everyone soon, Abigail.
Not too much longer.
And know
that my adventures
are not quite so complete
without you here.
Friday, June 26, 2009
"I need love,
in the middle of the day when the world just keeps stopping and your heart just keeps slippin' away..."
Oh, love, love, love.
I miss it.
'Cause this is the opposite of love. Not hate. I don't believe in hate. Don't believe I have ever felt it. Don't believe, but I don't know. What is truth? We just talked about that in class today.
Philosophy and English 102.
English 102, we're talkin' all about war. "We need war, to know we have finished something." Like, like that's what I just read, 'cause I'm reading a lot, with all this time, all this time on my own.
Repeating myself a lot, to pass the time.
I miss you all. Everyone is on adventures.
The adventures to come.
That's what is getting me through this.
This month.
How many more days? Twenty-eight, I think.
But, though I cannot wait to go home, I'm not counting down. That would just make it harder.
Reading The Sociology of Trench Warfare, this packet I had to print off, off my class name, @olemiss.edu, like we are legitimate. It's so legitimate.
Buying from the book store, wandering between classes.
I didn't scream when the praying mantis climbed my leg the first day, when the spider of huge ant crawled across me as I was sleeping. I thought that showed progress of some sort, or humility, which could always be the key.
I miss you.
But, that happens even when you're around.
I made a peanut butter and jelly, I didn't have a knife, so I made one out of my soul. That is, if my soul were a chip clip. I thought it was creative problem solving. Some sort of PR shit, keeping my door open, letting them all know I'm totally open for any sort of conversation and haven't laughed in two, three days. Oh, how I need that. It constipates me, not laughing. I wonder if there is any sort of scientific truth to that statement.
I need to do something. The book store closes in twenty minutes, as does the cafe, so that's out. I don't really see a point in going outside. I guess I can just wait it out until dinner in like an hour and a half. Walk around, a little before hand, leave in an hour to show someone how FRIENDLY and FUNNY I can be! I've never felt so judged in my life.
Give me a break.
But, I think, it's just the beginning, right? There's the weekend ahead, to bond, or something like it.
I can fake it if I have to.
Somehow, in spite of it all, my elbows have become very smooth.
I'll see you all soon, or eventually.
Oh, love, love, love.
I miss it.
'Cause this is the opposite of love. Not hate. I don't believe in hate. Don't believe I have ever felt it. Don't believe, but I don't know. What is truth? We just talked about that in class today.
Philosophy and English 102.
English 102, we're talkin' all about war. "We need war, to know we have finished something." Like, like that's what I just read, 'cause I'm reading a lot, with all this time, all this time on my own.
Repeating myself a lot, to pass the time.
I miss you all. Everyone is on adventures.
The adventures to come.
That's what is getting me through this.
This month.
How many more days? Twenty-eight, I think.
But, though I cannot wait to go home, I'm not counting down. That would just make it harder.
Reading The Sociology of Trench Warfare, this packet I had to print off, off my class name, @olemiss.edu, like we are legitimate. It's so legitimate.
Buying from the book store, wandering between classes.
I didn't scream when the praying mantis climbed my leg the first day, when the spider of huge ant crawled across me as I was sleeping. I thought that showed progress of some sort, or humility, which could always be the key.
I miss you.
But, that happens even when you're around.
I made a peanut butter and jelly, I didn't have a knife, so I made one out of my soul. That is, if my soul were a chip clip. I thought it was creative problem solving. Some sort of PR shit, keeping my door open, letting them all know I'm totally open for any sort of conversation and haven't laughed in two, three days. Oh, how I need that. It constipates me, not laughing. I wonder if there is any sort of scientific truth to that statement.
I need to do something. The book store closes in twenty minutes, as does the cafe, so that's out. I don't really see a point in going outside. I guess I can just wait it out until dinner in like an hour and a half. Walk around, a little before hand, leave in an hour to show someone how FRIENDLY and FUNNY I can be! I've never felt so judged in my life.
Give me a break.
But, I think, it's just the beginning, right? There's the weekend ahead, to bond, or something like it.
I can fake it if I have to.
Somehow, in spite of it all, my elbows have become very smooth.
I'll see you all soon, or eventually.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
"Darling, I'm drunk,
and everything I've loved has turned to stone...Don't look at me that way."
I'm lethargic, busy and unacting. This is going to be another one of those. No backspace key, not attacted, distatched dispatch, I'm calling and you aren't answering and where does my head go when I'm alone?
I'm hoping things will get better.
I'm hopeful, I am, but I've always been so cynical, baby, it's hard for me.
All this addressing pronouns, so mysterious! I'm what dreams are made of.
I caught a Pokemon today that I really needed to get my next gym badge.
I apologized to someone I needed to apologize to, for a long time coming.
I, I, I.
Self-centered, narcissistic, I claim the opposite but I have to try to get a sentence without I.
Think it's because it's all I know, the only thing I can relate to? I used to get so excited at the prospect of an alternate universe twin, someone like me? I was just hoping they would have some answers.
Gets so heavy, gets so low.
I'm not depressed, I promise. I just think a lot.
Depressed makes me think of someone getting stomped by a giant shoe.
Let's pause.
"Someone has dressed us all like clowns."
I forgot how good this album is, I did.
I watched some episodes of Avatar last night. They were good.
I've been thinking about my future lately, but I've forgotten it all.
Don't know what to say for myself.
There are so many things I want to do.
Things I Would Like To Master
1. Guitar Hero - I think that is actually a cool skill to master.
2. Chemistry - I'm pretty alright at it, actually. I just wish I was "lightning fast."
3. School - en general. It'd be great to be awesome without trying, studying, whatever.
4. Robotics - I wish I knew what I was doing.
10,000 hours, so here goes.
I'm trying.
I'm lethargic, busy and unacting. This is going to be another one of those. No backspace key, not attacted, distatched dispatch, I'm calling and you aren't answering and where does my head go when I'm alone?
I'm hoping things will get better.
I'm hopeful, I am, but I've always been so cynical, baby, it's hard for me.
All this addressing pronouns, so mysterious! I'm what dreams are made of.
I caught a Pokemon today that I really needed to get my next gym badge.
I apologized to someone I needed to apologize to, for a long time coming.
I, I, I.
Self-centered, narcissistic, I claim the opposite but I have to try to get a sentence without I.
Think it's because it's all I know, the only thing I can relate to? I used to get so excited at the prospect of an alternate universe twin, someone like me? I was just hoping they would have some answers.
Gets so heavy, gets so low.
I'm not depressed, I promise. I just think a lot.
Depressed makes me think of someone getting stomped by a giant shoe.
Let's pause.
"Someone has dressed us all like clowns."
I forgot how good this album is, I did.
I watched some episodes of Avatar last night. They were good.
I've been thinking about my future lately, but I've forgotten it all.
Don't know what to say for myself.
There are so many things I want to do.
Things I Would Like To Master
1. Guitar Hero - I think that is actually a cool skill to master.
2. Chemistry - I'm pretty alright at it, actually. I just wish I was "lightning fast."
3. School - en general. It'd be great to be awesome without trying, studying, whatever.
4. Robotics - I wish I knew what I was doing.
10,000 hours, so here goes.
I'm trying.
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