"Spelled out your name

and list the reasons faint of heart don't call me back." I am in a sad song mood. I'm not sad or mad or anything I just don't feel like listening to fast songs. Hm.

There's one picture of my secret. It's not in my albums, crazy! Why would I do that?!? I will send it to you. Why? Why will I send you this picture? What about you makes me compliant? Why did I show you those pictures? I hate you, Auds. Now, keep in mind, I was making a face in the picture. So, shh. Anyways, I sent it to you.

I am watching Degrassi on mute. I feel much more like listening to music.

Only one solution?!? What is the solution that is so morbid you didn't even say it? Thanks for scaring me. "I can only think of one solution. That is no good, really." What does that mean? Well, I suppose our blog is much more taken care of than others. I may or may not check it every single day. It's an addiction.

You missed ice skating? Oh, I'm sorry. We didn't get into the exhibit untill about 6:10, I'd say. You know, Pan Am really is a nice place. I love the four year old songs they play. I do like ice skating, even if I am horrible at it. I get used to it after awhile though, and then I am fine. It's good times. I hope your friends aren't mad at you. Sorry for kidnapping you three fourths of the day. I am so confused about this story where you kidnapped a child. What? You know them? But they screamed for their mother? Oh, Auds. You are Creeper McCreeperson.

Memaw LOVED the Roman exhibit! I wasn't really that excited about it untill she got in there. She held my hand the whole way through and kept squeezing and it was adorable and made me all happy and content. When I came back without you, she was weird though. "Where's Audrey?" "Oh, she had other plans." "Oh, well, that's great, she had better things to do." But she said it sarcastically? It made me laugh so hard, that's all I know. She's not upset with you, don't worry about that. She was so excited though. We were there untill about 8:30 and we weren't even done! We met this white Muslim lady (interesting) who gave me Latin tips and we translated some of the stuff together and it was just crazy. We had to rush through the last three rooms because my parents and Emily had been waiting for a long time. Oh, I love my Memaw, so much.

You know, I really do feel bad about downloading all this music. I don't like to do it. I wish I could afford to get everything totally legally. I don't even think the music industry is corrupt anything. I just don't think about it. I wish I didn't like music so much. Hm.

New classes, arg. I don't know how I feel about that. It makes me nervous. I don't like shake ups as infamous I am for being spontaneous and irresponsible. It still has structure to it, in my mind atleast. I don't know. New year, woo!

I am so glad I was there when Rachel beat you. It was great being a witness to such a spectacle, a miracle. It was great. I love when people bob their head and go off in such a ghetto fashion. I don't see how anyone could take it seriously. LOVE IT!

I have so much to do and I'm not freaking out. It's weird. During the summer, I don't know, just something about it you are always relaxed. You know what? This thought just occured to me, but I am going to go job hunting tomorrow. Despite if I get this IMA thing or not. It's so frustrating. I am going to go get a job. Anyways, I am tired of this constant pressure. I'm in a weird mood where I, like. Hm. I feel pretty stressed and worried about all these things, but right now I'm just kind of like whatever. I'm calm. I'm dealing. Maybe I'm too used to being in one extreme mood or the other? That's why it's so weird? No clue. Oh, well. Summer is so nice and I am so excited for it. I don't want to take any classes. I think if I get the IMA thing my mom won't make me take pre-cal early. I really don't want to do that. It's going to be such a hard class, who needs it go be rushed? I am going take up list-making and come summer, I shall be ready. It will be the greatest summer of my life. It has been decided, ha. Join, Auds.

Sure you are adaptable. I think you kind of have to be. If something bad happens, I really don't think you are the type that says "Oh, it's the end of the world," and kills yourself off, now are you? I really don't think so. Also, you are pretty positive. Well, positive about things that could be bad, or are bad. Which is a good thing, really. But really, isn't that the whole continuance of existance? Adapting. Shit happens, you deal, and that's that. Luckily, some of us got a sense of humor to make it better. It's funny how life is like half luck, half instinct.

Oh, man, BFF's with Jay-Z and Beyonce. It's going to be amazing. We will have them over for dinner one night (Memaw babysitting, Momma Brinks' spaghetti) and you'll do your reindition of "Ring The Alarm" and it'll be amazing. That'd be cool, actually, to own a hotel. No, I wouldn't want to own a hotel. Just an Inn, or a Bed and Breakfast. Something small, but something nice. Hm... We need to write down our kids' names, before we forget them all. I read an article today actually about the internation adoption map. Uganda wasn't even on it. Guetemala (spelling...) was though! Those would be cute kids.

I don't think civilization could ever forget about morality. Maybe the average person's view of morality lessons and lessons, but there are people like you to remind us what being good is all about, how it's more appealing than anything, should be a common goal. I don't think it'll ever be lost. If anything, I think it's going to increase. Maybe it's just me and the motions I've been going through, but I think times are getting/going to be better.

Die for history? Wow, Auds. Ha, it's funny how that makes more sense than anything. There are a lot of different things that could go into that. I like it. Isn't it weird to think it's almost all history. I mean, new things come up, but then it becomes history. I think about that a lot.

True, my nose pops too, ha. I don't understand my nose. At all. It's weird. My other secret is weird too. It makes me laugh how randomly throughout the day you will just grab my head and view to your liking. Creep-ster. Just kidding, Auds. I do the same to your Fuji's. I can't say anything.

Okay, cloud hunting this spring. You know, where I have in mind we could camp too! PERFECT! We can get the old Ball jars to put them in! I have a lot, I use them for water when I am panting. This is working out very nicely. We shall have several clouds. I'm going to make a shelf and align them all. I don't know why that's what I immediately thought of. Maybe hand the jars from my ceiling and I've got my own sky in my room. Sounds good to me. THEY ALWAYS HAVE BUTTERFLY NETS AT THE DOLLAR STORE! Yes! And they are usually in crazy colors! What is this break in the Degrassi marathon!? Oh, cloud hunting is going to be amazing. I love the jellyfishing nets. They wear safari outfits too! YES!

Can we have a treasure hunt too?!? Scavenger hunt? Hide & Go Seek in K-Mart? Eat Denny's? Off to the list!

Reduced rates for the flight, perfect. Either that or we will just have to keep our sights for deals. This will be a beautiful thing, really. Airplane peanutes are nice. I just like them because everyone talks about them, makes me feel connected in a really small way. I think anyone who lives sixteen years and calls themeselves "inexperienced" cannot be correct. Sure, you may compare your problems to others and yours seem pretty insignificant, but it doesn't feel that way. I don't feel sad and stop and be like "Well, this person is probably even more sad." No, there are days where I'm just like this is so bad and I hate it and I'm just going to cry and feel really sad, no matter what anyone is going through. I don't care what anyone says about how it should be measured, nope. Everyone's got their troubles. There's a lot of trouble.

We shall get our passports and travel le world, for it is ours! It's funny how that's kind of true. The world is as much of yours as you want it.

AHAH! "I think Rihanna and me could be friends." "We could be friends." "Your voice does not sound as silky smooth as Rihanna's..." Ahaha, I love this. I will give you the URL if you are moved to watch it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBnzPmhSe0M&feature=related

Anything to do with feelings, I just get so confused. I have a lot of feelings, too. Well, everyone does, you know? Well, if there is anything I know about confusion, is that it's the most common. I don't really know anything else about it. I don't really know anything else about anything, really.

I don't think there should be informal writing or formal. I think it should just be writing. Why do we always categorize everything? I don't understand. So we can understand things better? I don't think that is working at all. I write a lot on my own, I suppose. I'm always really conscience someone is going to read it, or even if I know that is impossible, I am cautious that in some case someone would read it, so it all kind of ruins the whole point.

I love my whole family very, very much, really. I've never been told I'm just like any of them. I'm a mutt, I suppose. A collaborative effort, which when I think about it, makes a lot of sense. I don't get how, for a little bit there, I was so mean to my family. Well, I guess I can, cause it happened and I know myself better than I know anyone else. But really, what are these phases? They are so weird, and it's weirder how we look back and are like "What was that about?" but when it's going on it's as real as can be. I wonder what that says. Hm.

I'm really contemplative, I suppose. I think it's going to be an all-nighter! Just because I have a lot to do. I think I'm going to rearrange my room, just because. Move my bed away from the craziness, ha.

I am definitley ready for school. I need to get a lot of things done, though. You know what? An all-nighter will be good. I will be really tired by tomorrow night, and that will just work out really nicely. Good job!

Hm, love, love, love. "There are two types of people. Love Addicts, and Love Avoiders." I'd have to say I am the ladder. I don't understand love, at all. I don't even know what it is, really. I think about it a lot, I suppose. I'd have to say for me to love someone, I don't think I could feel like a freak around them. I don't think that would make much sense, in the bad way. Or even if I was a freak, or am a freak, and I know it, atleast they'd be one too, or they'd not make me feel freaky for being a freak, and let's see if I can incorporate the word freak in one more time. Yeah, I'm getting to realize more and more often how many things have to do with how you view yourself. It affects a lot of things. You know, it's almost like everything is a cycle. I'm not saying in any way that any thing in life is predictable, no, just that everything's connected like that. I like looking at people in love. No, not even that. I just really, really love when people smile at each other. That is one of my favorite things. I realy don't understand the difference between loving someone and not being "in love" with them, like you said the other night. Maybe it's just because I'm young, or maybe it's just because I'm myself. I don't have a lot of things figured out. Or, I will have it figured out, and then I won't again. So it's never really figured out in the first place, it's all more of a hypothesis, I suppose. I've stopped erasing even if I think I sound stupid. Although, I do correct my typos.

Dreams are more organized? Well, I suppose that could make sense too. I guess I could have been mistaken, maybe saying that dreams weren't more organized because they had more imagination and "not realistic" events, which I suppose you can't really use as a backing. So, I don't know. Life is being so confusing. Well, I suppose it always is, just the more it goes on the more responsibility I have, meaning I'm more lost. I just don't know.

Look what I found! http://www.uiowa.edu/~osa/edu/HowDidThey.pdf Prehistoric technology, the knowledge is ours.

Sometimes I do get things because I pity them, despite there lack of feelings or not I still feel like it has feelings. Also, "ugly" objects, I, a lot of times, don't even know they are considered ugly. I suppose I just have bad taste. And other times, it's just a lot more interesting.

I also wonder who was in that beloved 40's chorus. It's so, I don't know, comforting. I just want to lay my head on it. I feel like that'd be very pleasant. I'm going to start being more creative with my terminology. I repeat myself a lot. I don't mean to, I just never put much thought to what comes out of my mouth. No, it's like. I put a lot of thought into everything, but when I actually get to the talking part, it kind of loses steam, and I end up trailing off. Like it's all in my head and by the time it's gotten to my tongue it's lost a lot of the words.

I'll call her Auntie A, or something. Maybe it would make things better. Except, I don't really know if I have to do that or not, worry about her and my relationship even, because she's got a granddaughter now. Things should be good. I wonder how possessive she'll be, or be competitive with Memaw and I's relationship. A lot of people don't understand why I am so close to my Memaw. She practically raised me. It's been there before I even knew it, and it's become one of the only things I really know. That shouldn't be competed with. Just appreciated.

I'm going to be nicer now. I really can be mean sometimes. It's sad.

What would happen if everyone just put all of themeselves out there? I wonder if there's a sense of security in our secrets. Like safety in knowing you are the only one that knows some of these things about yourself. I suppose that's why we keep it. So we can keep being safe, and that's our whole problem. We are scared not too. I'm too scared to do anything about it, though. It's funny how much people pine for a reaction but once it gets to the truth, they are out. Just ironic. It's what we should be getting reactions from. But we're not.

Peter Bjorn is one person, Auds, aha. "Peter, Bjorn, and John." Bjorn would be such a good name. (KID NUMBER 39439'S NAME!) Please do be picky. Really. I'll include some new stuff too. Woo! Get psyched!

You miss the "ahaha's?" I suppose I could bring them back. I think I've had atleast two in this entry. I see one atleast. I just felt stupid when I put them. I don't know.

I'll stop talking about Ogie, Auds. I'm sorry you get so jealous. It was just a little obsession. Obsession versus soulmate... Soulmate always wins. No worries.

Beck is not a rapper. He's just a musician. More with electronics then anything, I suppose. Ryan Lott-Manier (spelling) likes him too. What can I say?

Sometimes, actually a lot of times, I really love not having a choice. When someone just tells me to do something, even if I don't like it, there are rules to follow, expectations to meet, and it's all there, just march. Too bad life is much more of a free fall.

You still have to experience the southside. That means eating at 8 Lucky Buffet, Denny's, checking out the hotels, swimming at the Super 8 (just swim, I promise, during open hours), Narnia, just, wow. I shall make a list. Shall, shall, shall. I like that word.

"Congrats, you lived." Why was that the most sarcastic thing ever? You always make me feel like I am too, er, ignorant to any danger that could occur? OH! I just remembered! We also have to play with the hoses at the car wash. The skating rink, El Azabache, people watching at the Kroger... Okay, there is a lot to list. Maybe I am too ignorant to danger. I don't think I am invincible or anything. Hm.

Trees are so nice. They just keep going. And they are so fun to climb, and sit in, and just watch and sit there, and talk or read or just think or just not think. I love tress.

With the Ragpicker's last remark repeating in the Ticketmaster's head, the Ticketmaster quickly got over the mysterious phone call. It was just a phone call. She grabbed the Ragpicker's hand harder and smiled even wider. Never had the Ticketmaster been so thankful to feel someone else's sweat. Not much had changed at all. As they neared the pizza parlor the Ticketmaster turned to the Ragpicker, "Now surely you remember the tres humane society-esque pizza parlor," and it was greeted by a smile. "HEY! YOU HAVE YOUR BRACES ON TOO!" The Ragpicker looked embarrassed, and the Ticketmaster felt a tinge of awkwardness for getting so loud. "No, I just, er, I like them a whole lot, and stuff, yeah, well," and once again looked down. The Ticketmaster felt the need to make it up, becuase she knew the Ragpicker hated her braces. She stopped the swift stride and turned to face the Ragpicker. "Um, well, you look, you look really good. Yeah. Well, that's, yeah," and turned back around and slowly started out their step again.

I'm not saying Tolstoy wasn't smart, Audrey. "Nothing can slide past you, Abby!" Harsh, Audrey, and you know it. I was just saying. I don't know anyone who would go on for five pages about the landscape. Then again, I don't know everybody. Sorry, Auds.

The blog has been very flowy lately. Though I do have to think about a lot of things, and I'm sorry if I do contradict myself, I'm just not sure of much. Or anything, really. I stopped erasing just for you, Auds. And now I probably sound really stupid, but whatever.

Themes...
1. An action movie theme. This was once featured in a Fairly Oddparents episode and I was hooked. Exploding alarm clocks, bungee cords to other rooms, secret passages and high tech gadgets, ah, awesome.
2. A library like room. Yellow lighting, a fireplace, old portraits, green lamps, and book cases, everywhere.
3. A pillow room! The whole floor is a giant mattress and the whole thing is covered in pillows. Maybe a movie screen on one wall. Amazing!
4. I really liked your farmhouse room too, and that's what I was thinking. Kind of like a Febreze commercial. Just a room that's kind of clean and fresh and has big windows.

Now it's your turn to make a list, Auds.

3:24, such a rebel! I am a lady of the night, aha. Oh, Lord, no. The Degrassi marathon randomly stops and it makes me sad. It's still on mute. Anyways, I am going to get some water, clean my room, and figure out the due dates for these projects. Untill the next entry, Auds. The N is playing music videos? Okay.

I am wearing my shorts again. I love them!

My mother and I are going to sit down tomorrow and work on my application. Or, rather, later today. Oh, joy.