I'll give you my sweet grass. I'm gonna mesmerize your ass."
Ahahaha. I love song lyrics, really, because half the time, they make no sense. And I truly, truly love things in life that are nonsensical. It is even a fantastic word!
Cirque du Soleil was nice. I think I am going to keep playing the cello forever, because I love it and because it is beautiful and because it is my only personal connection to anything artistic. I really actually like when people ask me if, since I go to Herron, I am an artist. I think it is nice that they think I just might have that type of talent, when in all actuality, I do not. Sadly.
I've been thinking about that "10,000 hours to become a master" comment Jakob made the other day nonstop. It made me really excited, because I started to think of all the things I would like to be a master at.
1. The cello. This is a priority. There is nothing more lovely than a cello played well.
2. Opera singing. I think this would jovial and fun. Who doesn't want to be able to sing opera?
3. The harmonica. I am thinking this will only take about 5,000 hours, since there isn't too much to it. But maybe I have no idea...
4. Tap dancing. Everyone did it when he/she was four, so why did it die out? It was enjoyable for a reason. You make sounds with you feet and smile to jazz music.
5. Whittling. Think of all the fun figurines I could carve. I also decided yesterday that I will one day make my own cello. This may be useful in this craft.
6. Running. Does this even qualify? I don't think my body has the capability to be a master runner.
7. Boxing. 'Nuf said.
8. Flower breeding. I could crossbreed all sorts of beautiful plants and name them after my favorite people in the world, and then open my own little shop in Switzerland to sell them under the psuedonym Ida Bean.
That's about all I have thus far. We'll see. It should grow tremendously. But the exciting thing is, with modern technology, I just might live long enough to master some of these for real! I could be a ninety-year-old tap dancing whittler who sings opera to pass the time. And this, I think, is incentive enought to grow up, something I have been dreading terribly lately.
I hope you are feeling better. It is a relief to hear you do not have mono. Have a lovely time cleaning your room, and I will talk to you very soon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDREA!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
The Ultimate Christmas Playlist
There are several indicators that my house is the most commercialized version of the Lord's birth in the area.
1. Santas are everywhere. They are holding books of carols, riding in sleighs, combing their beards. They are bears in disguise, old floppy men, and figurines in snow globes.
2. There is not a single Jesus in this household. Not one cross, not one Bible on display. There is, however, a small nativity, which my mother said, "does not fit in" and is going to be removed.
3. Half of out house is "whimsical," the other half is "traditional." Jesus was neither whimsical nor traditional. He was Jesus. And the twenty-fifth of December is Christmas. Not meant for themed mantels. Let's not even talk about the animal tree; it doesn't have anything to do with the ark.
4. Our stockings were ordered from Pottery Barn. No sweet displays of familial affection, knit from Grandma. Nope. Grandma don't knit.
5. The fact that right now, as I right this, I am fulfilling my assigned duty. It was passed to me because I do a shitty job of cleaning, and my mother honestly thinks this is really important. No joke. I am creating the ultimate Christmas playlist on iTunes. I'm for real. And it is taking me quite a long time. She keeps passing me more and more CDs, Barbara Streisand, the Rat Pack, Perry Como, one after the other.
And, woah, it is overload. But somehow, I will admit, this commericialization doesn't ruin the holiday at all for me. I'm just so happy. I don't know, really, what about Christmas it is for me. I do like lights, and I have always loved happy music. And I sure do enjoy presents, and when I do give them, I like it. But it isn't the whole together aspect, or the warmth and love, I don't think. I mean, look at all the stress it causes in my family. But yet, maybe it is all worth it. For those few hours, in the deep night of Christmas Eve or very early on Christmas morning, maybe all the stress, all the unhappiness of preparation, maybe it all kind of washes away. And I love it.
Merry Christmas.
I hope you have a wonderful day, really.
And I'll talk to you soon.
1. Santas are everywhere. They are holding books of carols, riding in sleighs, combing their beards. They are bears in disguise, old floppy men, and figurines in snow globes.
2. There is not a single Jesus in this household. Not one cross, not one Bible on display. There is, however, a small nativity, which my mother said, "does not fit in" and is going to be removed.
3. Half of out house is "whimsical," the other half is "traditional." Jesus was neither whimsical nor traditional. He was Jesus. And the twenty-fifth of December is Christmas. Not meant for themed mantels. Let's not even talk about the animal tree; it doesn't have anything to do with the ark.
4. Our stockings were ordered from Pottery Barn. No sweet displays of familial affection, knit from Grandma. Nope. Grandma don't knit.
5. The fact that right now, as I right this, I am fulfilling my assigned duty. It was passed to me because I do a shitty job of cleaning, and my mother honestly thinks this is really important. No joke. I am creating the ultimate Christmas playlist on iTunes. I'm for real. And it is taking me quite a long time. She keeps passing me more and more CDs, Barbara Streisand, the Rat Pack, Perry Como, one after the other.
And, woah, it is overload. But somehow, I will admit, this commericialization doesn't ruin the holiday at all for me. I'm just so happy. I don't know, really, what about Christmas it is for me. I do like lights, and I have always loved happy music. And I sure do enjoy presents, and when I do give them, I like it. But it isn't the whole together aspect, or the warmth and love, I don't think. I mean, look at all the stress it causes in my family. But yet, maybe it is all worth it. For those few hours, in the deep night of Christmas Eve or very early on Christmas morning, maybe all the stress, all the unhappiness of preparation, maybe it all kind of washes away. And I love it.
Merry Christmas.
I hope you have a wonderful day, really.
And I'll talk to you soon.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I look back
and I don't think I'm that stupid, or confused. I don't think I'm that immature. I don't think I was lost.
I look back and I just don't really have any idea - and maybe that says it all.
I look at myself now, and I've got a good idea, just no drive.
Maybe that's it. Then, I had drive. Now, I'm just tired.
Top Ten Things I Like To Eat And Not Feel Guilty About Later:
1. Any type of healthy cereal; see Kashi and Cheerios. They are so good, so I don't know why I gravitate towards Golden Puffs.
In some ways, maybe my choices will be the death of me.
2. Fruit! It just makes you happy.
2A. Specifically, fruit salads of happigoodness.
3. Toasted peanut butter/honey sandwiches. Yes.
3a. Waffle-wiches. Enough said.
4. Ice cream in mugs because if you just have one mug, that means you aren't having too much. And it's so good.
5. String cheese, though I've been eating it so much lately I'm kind of getting tired of it.
6. Carrots and ranch dressing. Yes, yes, and yes.
7. Rye bread with cinnamon butter. It's just so good.
8. Mashed potatoes!
9. Egg noodles. (Speaking of with, this and the prementioned withh me present at Thanksgiving. Yes.)
10. Tomatoes, especially in the summer. As is tomato and mozzarella paninis, as in just-tomato sandwiches, as in I love you.
And, maybe she's right, maybe these are the things that define me.
She as in Ayn Rand.
As in, as in, as in, I'm pretentious.
The word pretentious is pretentious, I love words like that.
I've got a lot to do. Me? Go shopping tomorrow?
But maybe that's the problem. I'm making it weird for me to go shopping for tights and a sweater. Do I like the dress? I don't mind it. Why do I not bother? I don't mind it. Is it the problem that I don't mind? "I could never see you in a dress!" Fuck you, I could never see you naked, thankgod,thankyou.
You might think I'm angry but I'm smiling and calm.
I love best friends that schedule things for other best friends, like Taylor is doing for Kimber. I do.
1. Clean my room, tonight. It's a bit of a mess and a cat has thrown up in my closet but you see, I am God, it'll be easy.
Audrey, Disney Scene-It is here!
2. Do homework/missing work, once again find my paper de passsword/username because I'm a loser like that, in the way that I lose things. Not basketball games though.
3. Get some money for holiday shopping. (Get-rich-quick scheme 1: nada.)
I love holiday shopping. I don't understand how people hate it. I think it is one of the best parts of the holiday season. Materialistic? Probably. But some things do make me happy, that's my right. That's my perogrative. But I've got this bass line...
LOSE YOURSELF! (Loser.) You had it coming.
And what person is this in? 1,2,3 Or E. All of the above.
Yes, I am installing the Zune Updated Software, Yes, finally, after months of clicking "Remind me later," Yes I'm awesome.
4. Buy Zune USB cord, for where has mine gone? With the cowboys?
The generation that emerged from a shithole. That's just the way my mind works. Can you hate someone for that, I don't think so.
If you type a sentence one letter at a time is it more sincere? Thus, presents my argument for having sex before marriage.
I'm not backspacing in the blog post, except when there are typos. It's a self-correcting live-feed of my brain. Like the book, but minus the adcertisements.
Zuneware has been successfully installed! I wonder what this means for my life!
You know something is newly installed when you find it on my desktop. I like to hide my virtual things I guess. That sounds so creeper.
I've got a lot of feelings, maybe the answers lie in these brain-feeds. Can that be our new blog name? Brain-feeds? Maybe I'll do it myself and see how you feel about it?
Things I'm Pretentious About:
1. Music. I am so proud of the music I like and listen to. It's redic. Pride and prejudiced. I like when Elizabeth tells me I know "every freaking song," I think of it as a talent.
2. Books. I feel the same way about books as I feel about music. I just have to own them.
3. Politics. I think I am pretty snotty about being a liberal. Snotty? No. Just, in these matters, it's one of the few things I really think I'm right in. I don't mean to, and sometimes I feel bad, but I guess that's just me.
I think that's it. Maybe no?
All other things I am unabashed. Good word.
I might go sleep with Emily? I can't sleep, I'm not tired, I'm thinking constantly. If only I could turn my brain-feed off.
So sci-fi.
"I'm just visiting." Where will the future take us?
I am so afraid of physical memory dumps, they need to stop, and they need to stop now!
Maybe I'm excited to go dancing with myself? But I don't mean masturbate, I mean shopping. More holiday thinking? I think I think more this time of year. Maybe it's the spirit?
What time is it there? Are you tired? Are you scared?
How long will the blog be here? Will I regret asking that?
I might go sleep with Emily, in her tiny, uncomfortable bed. She's amazing.
"It won't translate." What all is lost in translation?
Feeling?
I hope to never have to accept that it's over.
I'm smiling.
I think it can always be made right, I just don't know how.
I look back and I just don't really have any idea - and maybe that says it all.
I look at myself now, and I've got a good idea, just no drive.
Maybe that's it. Then, I had drive. Now, I'm just tired.
Top Ten Things I Like To Eat And Not Feel Guilty About Later:
1. Any type of healthy cereal; see Kashi and Cheerios. They are so good, so I don't know why I gravitate towards Golden Puffs.
In some ways, maybe my choices will be the death of me.
2. Fruit! It just makes you happy.
2A. Specifically, fruit salads of happigoodness.
3. Toasted peanut butter/honey sandwiches. Yes.
3a. Waffle-wiches. Enough said.
4. Ice cream in mugs because if you just have one mug, that means you aren't having too much. And it's so good.
5. String cheese, though I've been eating it so much lately I'm kind of getting tired of it.
6. Carrots and ranch dressing. Yes, yes, and yes.
7. Rye bread with cinnamon butter. It's just so good.
8. Mashed potatoes!
9. Egg noodles. (Speaking of with, this and the prementioned withh me present at Thanksgiving. Yes.)
10. Tomatoes, especially in the summer. As is tomato and mozzarella paninis, as in just-tomato sandwiches, as in I love you.
And, maybe she's right, maybe these are the things that define me.
She as in Ayn Rand.
As in, as in, as in, I'm pretentious.
The word pretentious is pretentious, I love words like that.
I've got a lot to do. Me? Go shopping tomorrow?
But maybe that's the problem. I'm making it weird for me to go shopping for tights and a sweater. Do I like the dress? I don't mind it. Why do I not bother? I don't mind it. Is it the problem that I don't mind? "I could never see you in a dress!" Fuck you, I could never see you naked, thankgod,thankyou.
You might think I'm angry but I'm smiling and calm.
I love best friends that schedule things for other best friends, like Taylor is doing for Kimber. I do.
1. Clean my room, tonight. It's a bit of a mess and a cat has thrown up in my closet but you see, I am God, it'll be easy.
Audrey, Disney Scene-It is here!
2. Do homework/missing work, once again find my paper de passsword/username because I'm a loser like that, in the way that I lose things. Not basketball games though.
3. Get some money for holiday shopping. (Get-rich-quick scheme 1: nada.)
I love holiday shopping. I don't understand how people hate it. I think it is one of the best parts of the holiday season. Materialistic? Probably. But some things do make me happy, that's my right. That's my perogrative. But I've got this bass line...
LOSE YOURSELF! (Loser.) You had it coming.
And what person is this in? 1,2,3 Or E. All of the above.
Yes, I am installing the Zune Updated Software, Yes, finally, after months of clicking "Remind me later," Yes I'm awesome.
4. Buy Zune USB cord, for where has mine gone? With the cowboys?
The generation that emerged from a shithole. That's just the way my mind works. Can you hate someone for that, I don't think so.
If you type a sentence one letter at a time is it more sincere? Thus, presents my argument for having sex before marriage.
I'm not backspacing in the blog post, except when there are typos. It's a self-correcting live-feed of my brain. Like the book, but minus the adcertisements.
Zuneware has been successfully installed! I wonder what this means for my life!
You know something is newly installed when you find it on my desktop. I like to hide my virtual things I guess. That sounds so creeper.
I've got a lot of feelings, maybe the answers lie in these brain-feeds. Can that be our new blog name? Brain-feeds? Maybe I'll do it myself and see how you feel about it?
Things I'm Pretentious About:
1. Music. I am so proud of the music I like and listen to. It's redic. Pride and prejudiced. I like when Elizabeth tells me I know "every freaking song," I think of it as a talent.
2. Books. I feel the same way about books as I feel about music. I just have to own them.
3. Politics. I think I am pretty snotty about being a liberal. Snotty? No. Just, in these matters, it's one of the few things I really think I'm right in. I don't mean to, and sometimes I feel bad, but I guess that's just me.
I think that's it. Maybe no?
All other things I am unabashed. Good word.
I might go sleep with Emily? I can't sleep, I'm not tired, I'm thinking constantly. If only I could turn my brain-feed off.
So sci-fi.
"I'm just visiting." Where will the future take us?
I am so afraid of physical memory dumps, they need to stop, and they need to stop now!
Maybe I'm excited to go dancing with myself? But I don't mean masturbate, I mean shopping. More holiday thinking? I think I think more this time of year. Maybe it's the spirit?
What time is it there? Are you tired? Are you scared?
How long will the blog be here? Will I regret asking that?
I might go sleep with Emily, in her tiny, uncomfortable bed. She's amazing.
"It won't translate." What all is lost in translation?
Feeling?
I hope to never have to accept that it's over.
I'm smiling.
I think it can always be made right, I just don't know how.
Monday, November 17, 2008
"I'm in a world apart,
a world where roses bloom."
I'm content. Maybe because it seems as if, right now, I have time. I don't like to be rushed. I like to saunter. I like listening to Louie Armstrong. I like to sit and think a bit, and then stretch out and read for a while, and simply smile for a moment. I like to be lazy. I don't think it is lazy, really. I think it is enjoyable. So maybe it isn't lazy, just thinking. Maybe.
I don't like this place you are in, I can state simply enough. Why is much more complex. I wish you would slow down a bit and join me right here, where I sway along the rose-surrounded path.
I just finished all of the government terms, and I'm about to start of the other half of the study guide. Then, cello, running, a shower, pre-calc, and SAT studying for an hour or so.
I like this plan.
I like plans. I like lists, I like schedules. But I like spontaneous occurences just as much. I like random bursts of song and surprises. I like random warm days when it has been cold and random cold days when it has been warm. I like happiness in the middle of sadness, and sometimes,sadness in the middle of happiness. I like long breaks when I've been busy and a random spurt of business when I've been on the couch for too long.
I like movies.
I like globes.
I like lamps.
And I really, really like flowers.
And I'm going to go now, to be in a happy place called my paradise, which others seem to think is just a green couch in the kitchen with a yellow blanket. But, no. It is much, much more.
I think I'll go read.
Maybe I won't run...
I'm content. Maybe because it seems as if, right now, I have time. I don't like to be rushed. I like to saunter. I like listening to Louie Armstrong. I like to sit and think a bit, and then stretch out and read for a while, and simply smile for a moment. I like to be lazy. I don't think it is lazy, really. I think it is enjoyable. So maybe it isn't lazy, just thinking. Maybe.
I don't like this place you are in, I can state simply enough. Why is much more complex. I wish you would slow down a bit and join me right here, where I sway along the rose-surrounded path.
I just finished all of the government terms, and I'm about to start of the other half of the study guide. Then, cello, running, a shower, pre-calc, and SAT studying for an hour or so.
I like this plan.
I like plans. I like lists, I like schedules. But I like spontaneous occurences just as much. I like random bursts of song and surprises. I like random warm days when it has been cold and random cold days when it has been warm. I like happiness in the middle of sadness, and sometimes,sadness in the middle of happiness. I like long breaks when I've been busy and a random spurt of business when I've been on the couch for too long.
I like movies.
I like globes.
I like lamps.
And I really, really like flowers.
And I'm going to go now, to be in a happy place called my paradise, which others seem to think is just a green couch in the kitchen with a yellow blanket. But, no. It is much, much more.
I think I'll go read.
Maybe I won't run...
Sunday, November 16, 2008
"You'll
always have me around."
I am asking that a lot lately.
What if I just...didn't? Or, even, what if I did? None of this is spurred from depression or any of that, no, it's from, well, honestly.
What if I did?
Would I be okay? Dissappointed? Am I young and angsty and stupid?
Probably.
But,
I'm also ingenius, dammit.
That just made me smile.
I like...
Smiling by myself, or making myself laugh. It's just a good feeling.
I like cold feet in the process of warming hope. It's a miniscule form of hope.
Folk music. I like it a lot.
CHRISTMAS, WHICH IS COMING UP!
And good sleep.
I'm in a weird mood. Stressed, aware, unrelaxed, missing you...
But, also, calm?
In a way, for some reason, the only way I can imagine someone feels right before they get into a life altering car accident.
Metaphorically?
What will be my car crash?
Hm.
I'm addicted to what people think, not really about me though.
Hm, hm, hm...
A lot of hm's.
This weekend was really, really good.
I was not a big fan of the MacBeth play, but I am really liking the play.
This is such an interesting time in life, internally, expternally.
I don't really know what to say. I'm kind of at a I-have-a-lot-of-feelings-but-don't-really-know-what-to-say place in my life.
Hey ya, mixed berry.
Good morning, sunflower.
I am asking that a lot lately.
What if I just...didn't? Or, even, what if I did? None of this is spurred from depression or any of that, no, it's from, well, honestly.
What if I did?
Would I be okay? Dissappointed? Am I young and angsty and stupid?
Probably.
But,
I'm also ingenius, dammit.
That just made me smile.
I like...
Smiling by myself, or making myself laugh. It's just a good feeling.
I like cold feet in the process of warming hope. It's a miniscule form of hope.
Folk music. I like it a lot.
CHRISTMAS, WHICH IS COMING UP!
And good sleep.
I'm in a weird mood. Stressed, aware, unrelaxed, missing you...
But, also, calm?
In a way, for some reason, the only way I can imagine someone feels right before they get into a life altering car accident.
Metaphorically?
What will be my car crash?
Hm.
I'm addicted to what people think, not really about me though.
Hm, hm, hm...
A lot of hm's.
This weekend was really, really good.
I was not a big fan of the MacBeth play, but I am really liking the play.
This is such an interesting time in life, internally, expternally.
I don't really know what to say. I'm kind of at a I-have-a-lot-of-feelings-but-don't-really-know-what-to-say place in my life.
Hey ya, mixed berry.
Good morning, sunflower.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
"And, speaking of high school...
I never passed that."
I wonder if, sporadically, we just upped and dropped out of high school? What would happen then? Or, possibly even worse, we completely failed it? How would everyone react? I think I would be quite depressed for a little bit, and then I'd realize that the situation is really, truly, and completely...hysterically funny.
I like dancing, too. I was home alone today, and I put on my headphones and went downstairs to clean, and I realized that I can kind of shaking my hips as I walked, and then I started all out dancing, going crazy and singing at the top of my lungs, and Hank was excited and he started barking and running around, and I was chasing him and shaking my head and getting my Beyonce on. It was a good time, really. I like random moments when I'm home alone, singing and dancing and being stupid. Comfortable. I like being comfortable. I like no stress, no anger, no sadness. I really, really do like happy. I know most people imply they like happy, but I really do. And maybe, yeah, I like to hide my problems. I like to think that everything's a-okay, but that's how I'm comfortable. And that's how I like it. And occassionally, I break down, yeah, but then I can go back to my happy universe. I'm happiest when I'm happy, you know? I'm happiest when other people are happy, too. So maybe me wanting to change the world is purely selfish--I don't care if these people are happy, it's simply that if they are happy, I will be even moreso. But I hope that's not why.
I love being warm when I'm cold. I love hot chocolate and Christmas songs and cartoons. I simply cannot wait. Again, it's happy, and I like it. Christmas, I mean. It's just so...wonderful.
I think I can go to Macbeth tomorrow, happily. I'm excited. I really like Shakespeare at the IRT, especially on the stage we're going to. I saw Twelfth Night there, and it was fantastic.
Must run.
Well, not really run.
Must dance.
I wonder if, sporadically, we just upped and dropped out of high school? What would happen then? Or, possibly even worse, we completely failed it? How would everyone react? I think I would be quite depressed for a little bit, and then I'd realize that the situation is really, truly, and completely...hysterically funny.
I like dancing, too. I was home alone today, and I put on my headphones and went downstairs to clean, and I realized that I can kind of shaking my hips as I walked, and then I started all out dancing, going crazy and singing at the top of my lungs, and Hank was excited and he started barking and running around, and I was chasing him and shaking my head and getting my Beyonce on. It was a good time, really. I like random moments when I'm home alone, singing and dancing and being stupid. Comfortable. I like being comfortable. I like no stress, no anger, no sadness. I really, really do like happy. I know most people imply they like happy, but I really do. And maybe, yeah, I like to hide my problems. I like to think that everything's a-okay, but that's how I'm comfortable. And that's how I like it. And occassionally, I break down, yeah, but then I can go back to my happy universe. I'm happiest when I'm happy, you know? I'm happiest when other people are happy, too. So maybe me wanting to change the world is purely selfish--I don't care if these people are happy, it's simply that if they are happy, I will be even moreso. But I hope that's not why.
I love being warm when I'm cold. I love hot chocolate and Christmas songs and cartoons. I simply cannot wait. Again, it's happy, and I like it. Christmas, I mean. It's just so...wonderful.
I think I can go to Macbeth tomorrow, happily. I'm excited. I really like Shakespeare at the IRT, especially on the stage we're going to. I saw Twelfth Night there, and it was fantastic.
Must run.
Well, not really run.
Must dance.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I just remembered something wonderful,
something fantastic.
Something exciting.
Happy one year blog anniversary!
Something exciting.
Happy one year blog anniversary!
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