"And yeah, I know,

they'll get you down. And yeah, I know, they'll drag it out." It is 52 degrees out, Auds. Fifty-two. It's raining, but it's fifty-two degrees outside. It's February fifth, it's Tuesday, and I'm damned ready for spring. I'm tired of this, whatever this is. I kind of like it, just because it has been around for so long, and it's familiar and I'm used to it and I don't really know how to deal otherwise, but I'm quite aware it's time for me to get uncomfortable.

Auds, you should get on . Seriously, it's amazing. Click on 'Listen,' enter an artist you like (I'm not guareenteeing it'll have anything of the Enrique Iglesias sort, it's more of the Tegan and Sara/ The Postal Service type...) and it plays a bunch of artists that are like what you like and it's just nice. It's a nifty little service. Nifty.

Scratch that about me coming back Wednesday. It may be Thursday, but probably Friday. I tried. My mom is stopping by to get my homework though so I don't get too far behind. That was my idea, I thought you'd be proud. I wish oil paint would dry faster. I wish I was in a two foot radius of a gospel choir that would sing and rub my head. That sounds perfect. I wish you would come over and rub my head, but you have to go to school. I also wish oil paint would dry faster. Really, twenty-four hours is plenty of time. I am DONE sounding like a twelve year old boy, I am seriously over it.

So, I'm on the one hundreth plus one post. Nice, nice. It's a good blog, iy is. It's raining quite nicely outside. I just stood out there for about seven mintues. Rain is so nice. I think it goes right under Ovaltine with things I love about the world. It made me feel a little less sickly.

We are quite the dedicated bloggers. Good deal. Potato, Auds, potato.

We shall go cloud hunting very soon. Speaking of which, I made you a surprise today, hoping to make up for the fact I was in absence on the perfect cloud hunting day. Your surprise won't lose any of it's meaning, I'm very excited. My heart is smiling and anxious, I promise.

I don't know why I am getting so many. I didn't do all that well on the PSAT. I did alright, I suppose. Better than average, but still, nothing really impressive. I have to do better. I think I am going to try and get National Merit. I think that sounds neat. Maybe I'll be able to do it. I don't know, though. It's kind of like getting all A's, but maybe a iittle easier? I don't know. I've been thinking a lot about education and where I want to go and all that with all this down time. I'm thinking maybe an ambassador, get a doctorate in international studies maybe, take history classes, also I'd probably have to tackle a couple for languages, but it's all in the name of saving the world. Or, maybe a psychologist, or an international journalist correspondent, but I'm not so big on that one. I don't know yet. Maybe just an airplane stewardess. I don't really know.

I just read the article on the Star's website, and it was a good article, I thought? Maybe I got it totally wrong?

I'm glad your sister enjoys her twisty markers. I love them, and glad I could pass it on. I need to get some more, speaking of which.

I hope you are in my Latin class. That will be good timse. Stephanie and I always get done a long time before anyone else. I like Latin class, regardless if it's clicking or not. I would much rather learn French or Italian or Russian or Spanish or German or something, you know. Something I may use. But there it is. I'm sure it helps somehow.

So, do you considering not telling everything a lie? If no one asks, and no one tells, is that inadvetently lying? I suppose it is. I suppose, it only causes problems if you don't put all of it on the table, but what to do when you know this metaphoric table would give in and crash to the floor if you put it all out there. Once again, it comes to being scared of people leaving. If I put everything out there, I am not sure at all people would still like me. Why take that chance? Why take it all off just to wish you never had? So, it's kind of good when people lie. It, sadly, keeps people together. Maybe.

When you are depending on something, you become aware you are depending on it, then you become so terrified it's going to leave you usually ruin it. Or you make things a mess and extremely difficult. I'm tired of lying. I wish things weren't so difficult where people felt like they had to.

Do I really have a choice in the things I believe in? I don't think so. I think it comes and changes with experience. If I could believe in ideals and silly, happy things instead of the cynical, ruthless things that fill my head, I would. If I could, I would, it would make no sense not to. I don't think people have a choice in their intuition. I think it comes and goes on it's own.

People change. People pretend things are okay and don't talk about them. People will things to die and simply feel guilty about it later, but do nothing. I've been one to do this myself, I'm not saying it's only other people. I'm plenty to blame myself, which is why maybe I feel it happened to me so often.

Everyone feels annoyed. You shouldn't feel guilty, no. It's nice you haven't yelled at her in a long time. Emily hasn't yelled at me this week on account of how I've been so sick, and it's nice.

I'm kind of very angry. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow at 1:30, along with Friday morning at 8:30. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm going to get (also) medicine to make me sleep, medicine to help nasuea, and coughing. Gah! ASDFGHJKL

So. maybe keeping it in, if we keep doing it, isn't that just a temporary solution? We keep having these mean thoughts, day after day, and we keep keeping them in, so we don't hurt anyone's feelings. Maybe if we let them out, showed it to the world, we'd stop thinking so. We'd become easier in the mind. Smoother, nicer, with time. Let it out, maybe.

It's true. Nobody knows anybody. And the way things are, I think it's the precise time to start a revolution.

The Ragpicker, while walking to their booth in the middle, answered "Sandy, of course." The Ticketmaster could still not get over this wonderous bond of the Ragpicker and the random Waffle House janitor, but didn't really have time to contemplate it as the hefty waitress came over almost right as they were getting comfortable. "What may have ya?" she asked, obviously not interested, but doing her job. "Ah, well, the usual, I suppose," answered the Ticketmaster, and blushed to let on that she goes her so often. "I'll have the same, but with blueberries in the waffle," said the Ragpicker. The Ticketmaster moved around untill she found a comfortable way to sit in the hard, wooden bench, and looked at the Ragpicker. "So, uh, what will you be doing today?"

I don't think I would want to play for Perry, just because of the people I know there, really. Maybe I'll join some rec league or something, I don't know. Maybe I won't. Whatever, whatever. I think I am going to inquire if I can go to my Memaw's tonight. Maybe she'll play Scrabble with me. I don't know.

"I mean, it's time. It begins with us, not with politicians, the experts or the teachers, but with us. With you and with me, the ones who need it most. I believe with everything that's in me that the whole world is begging for healing ... the same kind of healing I desperately needed and finally feel has begun with you ... it's not game over yet, it's just the beginning, but it's up to you. I'm calling for every kid to seize the air. Steal it, it belongs to you. Speak out, they can't stop you. Find your voice and use it. Keep this going. Pick a name, go on air. It's your life, take charge of it. Do it, try it, try anything. Spill your guts and say shit and fuck a million times if you want to, but you decide. Fill the air, steal it. Keep the air alive ... Talk hard."

I agree with Lineweaver, I'm really not a fan of exclamation marks.